Define "chronic" masturbator.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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