This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
