I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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