Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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