I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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