Swine flu. Run for my life!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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