Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
