i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
