So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
