At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
