I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
