How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
