Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
