dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
