Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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