I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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