I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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