i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
