even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
