Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You can't just leave with hair like that
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Randomize
