Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
