apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
