That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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