hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
