I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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