New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
