Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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