Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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