he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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