rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
