Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
