I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
