Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
