and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
