i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
