i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
