you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
