Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
