ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
