Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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