So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
