At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
