i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
third nipple confirmed
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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