Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
