a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
