Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
