im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
