She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
