I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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