I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
