I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Blood and glitter go together right?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
