Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
