We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i dont even know how to be here
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
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This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
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Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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