What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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