i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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