Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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