I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
