i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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