what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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