glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
