i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
