...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think i got beer on your cat.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
