I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
