Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
