Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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