I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
