Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
