I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
