Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
