I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
if only i could text you this smell
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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