im having a threesome with these popsicles
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize