I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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