I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
