Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
