I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
