I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
