honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
