bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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