quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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