i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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