my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
