i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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