I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
