I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
