Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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