I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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