i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found the puke drawer
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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