you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
