im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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